How to make friends as an adult: 4 tips for men

Put yourself in social situations
Whether you’re trying a new sport or hobby, learning a new skill or doing activities you already love, there aren’t many better ways to meet new friends than joining a club, class or community. Making that commitment to meet up regularly (especially in real life) is a great way to build friendships and boost confidence.

It’s also just as important to stay in touch with your existing friends and work on maintaining those relationships. So, don’t wait around for someone else to message you or organize your next meet-up – take the initiative and be the guy who brings everyone together. 

Don’t underestimate the importance of sharing feelings in a relationship
Why is it hard to make friends as an adult? Because men can struggle opening up. And the truth is the strongest friendships are built on sharing our emotions as well. So, why do so few of us do it?

Fred Rabinowitz, the chair of the psychology department at the University of Redlands, tells the New York Times it’s because society teaches men not to share their feelings (even with friends and family): “If you look at little boys, they’re pretty open and affectionate with each other – then something happens. Societal messages teach them that openness and emotional vulnerability are ‘taboo’.”

This is perhaps why – as Professor Robin Dunbar, an anthropologist at the University of Oxford, tells Dazed – men’s friendships can be “more casual and clublike, whereas women’s friendships are more dyadic and personalized.”

Nick Fager, a mental health counselor and co-founder of Expansive Therapy, says men need to practice opening up to deepen friendships, even if it makes us feel uncomfortable. A good way to do this is telling your friends how much you appreciate them.

“It’s just so important for your friends to know that you value the relationship,” he explains to the New York Times. “That you admire the person or you respect the person or you love the person.”

This is healthy masculinity 101. And when we share our feelings, it empowers our friends to share their feelings, too.

Check in with an old friend
Finding friends as an adult isn’t just about meeting new people. Why not reconnect with someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time? A recent study shows a small act of care – like a text, a DM or setting up a group chat – can have a big impact.

Dr Marisa Franco, a psychologist who studies friendships, also tells the New York Times: “People tend to think, ‘He’s too busy or he’s moved on with his life, he doesn’t care’. I think studies like this can remind men that some of the barriers they have in their heads aren’t necessarily how things will turn out. Send the text – check in.”

Hang out with other dads
One more tip for making friends in adulthood for all the active dads and caregivers out there – fatherhood can be even more rewarding when you do it alongside friends who are also dads (and organized groups like The Dad Gang). Plus, it’s a great way to show your kids the importance of friendship in our life.

Now you know how to make friends as a man (and a dad), learn more about the benefits of active fatherhood.