MEN AND EMOTIONS: SOCIETY, CULTURE AND TRADITIONS
It was American bestseller, “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus”, that made the differences in how the respective genders communicate their emotions a part of the mainstream consciousness.
And since its release in 1992 and subsequent rise to worldwide acclaim amassing 15 million copies sold, the field of scientific research into the inner workings of emotions and how they are expressed differently by men has increased vastly.
One recent study, titled: Gender and Emotion Expression: A Developmental Contextual Perspective has also sought to add context to how and why women show greater emotional expressivity, especially for positive emotions and internalizing negative emotions such as sadness.
MEN AND EMOTIONAL REPRESSION
In contrast, men experience emotional repression, and greater levels of aggression and anger than women. However, the study notes that despite this, men are emotionally around yet rather “keep in” their feelings.
As much as we can think it is easy for young boys and men to define and describe emotions and feelings, it is not that cut and dry.
It is not that easy for most men, and it is very hard for them to put into words their actual understanding of emotions.
Positive definitions of emotions around men must be tangible and require an alternative language such as vulnerability, paying attention to what one feels, and sitting with the experience of any kind of emotion. In retrospect, feelings put into words can help give language to emotions and this is the most difficult and overwhelming part for most men.
BEING VULNERABLE AS A MAN
The most beautiful experience about vulnerability it is not limited to gender (in this case being male) and other social constructs it is just a gift that comes with being human.
Vulnerability is a human experience that allows us to grant ourselves the acknowledgment of any form of emotion whether it is happiness, sadness, or day-to-day worries. When we think and talk about men there is a tendency to believe and suggest that men should not feel or express their genuine emotions. Men are socialised to be emotionally distant, and somehow, they are expected to disregard emotions such as sadness as such emotions are often associated with weakness and vulnerability.
SOCIETY'S EXPECTATIONS OF MEN
Overall, these are societal expectations that are problematic and perpetuate the outdated traditional notion of gender expressions around emotional expression.
For example, when it comes to processing emotions, there are different expectations for men and women. It is acceptable for women to be viewed as soft and exempted from being “sensitive,” and thus it is socially appropriate for them to express their feelings, like sadness or fear. In contrast, on the other spectrum men, who are seen as strong and fearless, are not encouraged to outwardly express their emotions.
How Men deal with their Emotions
Emotions that are associated with dominance or strength are viewed as more masculine, even if the underlying emotion feeling the behaviour is different. Nevertheless, when men are told to hide their emotions at all costs, those feelings have to go somewhere. Usually, they compensate by acting in a way that is more stereotypically masculine.
In contrast, suppressing emotions and feelings can be incredibly detrimental to men’s mental health and self-care. Other factors relate to the influence of cultural norms and gender stereotypes that are socially constructed to police men’s expressions of emotions and these have been harmful amongst men, particularly in South Africa.
There are serious implications that can be as the result of unprocessed deep-seated emotions and avoidance of raw emotions. This is where we are likely to experience a significant impairment in the lives of many men; studies indicate the negative impact of this phenomenon.
Research by the World Health Organization (WHO) has shown that South Africa has the third-highest suicide rate of all African countries. A previous Health24 report shows that the prevalence of depression in SA is close to 10%. Women are more affected by depression, but men are almost four times more likely to commit suicide. This is a clear indication of the factors impacting negatively on men’s inability to experience and express emotions. We need to ask ourselves a key question about factors that hinder men’s expression of emotions.
WHY DO MEN HIDE THEIR EMOTIONS
There are several cultural, societal, and psychological factors that can contribute to the perception that some men may hide their emotions more than others. From a young age, boys are often socialized to conform to “traditional gender norms” that discourage the open expression of emotions. They may be told that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness and that they should be stoic or tough. Over the years, there has also been a stigma associated with men expressing certain emotions, such as sadness, fear, or vulnerability. This stigma can lead to men feeling uncomfortable or judged when they do share their feelings.
Other reasons include fear of judgment, cultural differences, and psychological factors.
MEN’S EMOTIONAL COMPETENCE: WHAT IS IT REALLY?
In our quest of redefining “manhood” and masculinity in SA, we need to start embracing the idea of men as emotionally competent. I define men’s emotional competence as the capacity men inherently must “feel” and deeply connect with their ability to love themselves and those around them. As a young black man, I have references to emotional competencies as I have been able to love myself and to work on aspects of myself that needed emotional awareness in how I engage with the world.
In a world that is very busy and puts men under immense pressure the alternative to this reality is to cultivate the idea of men as emotionally competent beings. In turn, this will assist in our imaginations and hope of healed men who are able to bestow competent emotions upon themselves that allow them to be comfortable in their own skin.
The Importance of Emotional Competence for Men
The importance of men’s emotional competence potentially can lead to increased well-being for men. I have conviction that suggests, when men have the capacity to understand and express their emotions in healthy ways, they are likely to effectively manage their anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. This can contribute meaningfully to greater overall life satisfaction and a stronger sense of purpose.
