Giving your child freedom over what they wear can be a great way to build confidence. Follow our action checklist, and watch their individual style and self-assurance grow.
Individual style = personal growth
As your child gets older they're likely to start experimenting with their style and appearance, taking control of their own look and figuring out what works. But with so many influences, from media and celebrities to peers and personal interests, some of these experiments will be more extreme than others – and some may test your patience.
Allowing your child to express their individuality can help their self-esteem. All too often young people struggle to be different as there's huge pressure to conform to a look their friends accept. Allow them some freedom of expression to help their personal development, and give them the confidence to be their own beautiful self. Eventually they’ll find a style and look that suits them.
Build self-confidence by supporting individuality
"Try to see past the latest craze or fashion phase and look for the benefits in each stage of her experimentation," advises agony aunt and teen self-help writer Lisa Lister. "If she's dying her hair dark and painting her nails black to stand out from the crowd, recognise her strength of independent thinking. If she's customising her clothes by cutting them up and drawing on them, appreciate her creativity."
Ask yourself, is it really so bad that she wants to wear black nail varnish or he wants an asymmetric haircut? It might not be the look you'd choose, but that doesn't make it wrong. This latest style may be one of several in quick succession, but equally it could indicate a personality trait that's important for you to recognise.
Resistance is probably futile – so offer words of encouragement instead
Suki says she's always encouraged 12-year-old daughter Mai to be her own person and not follow the crowd – and it’s paid off. "She isn’t afraid to express herself," says Suki. "She recently took the lenses out of 3D cinema glasses, painted the frames and wore them to school. She looked quite funny but she didn't care – and then all her friends did the same thing."
Rather than railing against your child's expressions of individuality, value their ideas and help them have fun exploring different looks – it's a great way to boost self-confidence. Nurture an appreciation of different styles that go beyond stereotypes of beauty, so they enjoy the process of discovering their own identity.
To protect privacy we've changed the names of people whose stories we tell on these pages, but the stories are genuine.
